i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
