the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
