So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
