Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
