I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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