I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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