Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
