i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
