The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
