Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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