You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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