i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you traded sex for a burrito?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
