Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize