I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
