happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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