I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
