I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
