his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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