wakey wakey hands off snakey
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
