while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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