didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
