Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
