What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize