Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
