no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
