Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
