we have pet lesbian snakes
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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