i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
