My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
