I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
