Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think we might need a safe word for this...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
