I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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