Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
