I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i've created a new STD.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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