Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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