On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
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I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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