It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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