We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
