taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
