Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
