I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
A bitchslap is in order.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
