This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
