i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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