Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
