just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
