I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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