Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
