Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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