I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
