FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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