trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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