just survived the first fart of the relationship.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
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We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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