what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He passed out mid-signature
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
