is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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