fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
