It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
