This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize