I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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