Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
