don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I know her cup size but not her name....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
