so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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