i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
