if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
