I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
