listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
