remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
