my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
This is my gift to your gina
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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