that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
