dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I need a burrito and a hug.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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