Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
