You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
