I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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